Monkey’s excursion to the lackluster Blockbuster’s .

A closed Blockbuster store.

Monkey participated in a most excellent fourth of July weekend that included a shocking visit to Blockbuster. Shocking, you ask? Why yes, dear reader. Shocking, Monkey says, because there was one still actually open for business in my neighborhood. Haven’t you driven by the hoards of abandoned, discarded Blockbuster stores whilst Netflix envelopes ride shotgun on the way to the Post Office? You know you have…

but, well, Monkey hasn’t experienced this exact scenario, since his license was revoked, on the minor technicality that he is a hominid of the more hirsute kind and that, well, he can not see over the dashboard, but you hominids of the bare skinned and, ahem, bland type, I’m sure have. And who could blame you? Netflix offers as many movies as you can watch in a month for $8.99 and offers streaming to your computer and other Netflix ready devices. Monkey says, “Screw Blockbuster.”

Well, friends, I loathe to tell you that, like you, Monkey does not have a Netflix membership, since he is not allowed a credit card and his “caretakers” refuse to indulge me this smallest but grandest of things. Monkey, instead, was forced to fling open the back door of his keeper’s Mini Pooper (on the way to Trader Joe’s), leap onto the asphalt jungled streets of Los Angeles, dodge drunken, holiday traffic and bolt into the only workng Blockbuster Monkey’s seen in ages just to rent movies for his very good friend Robert and his daughter. They were coming for movies and poopcorn, one of Monkey’s favorites, and he couldn’t let those two delightful creatures down. So, it appears Monkey was the one who was going to get fornicated upon, if you catch my meaning.

Now usually, I’m not usually antagonistic against sexual deviancy, but when it involves my wallet as a participant in its behavior, I abstain. But, Monkey says, a promise was a promise, so  perused the shelves and chose three movies: “9″ directed by Shane Acker and produced by Timur Bekmambetov and Tim Burton, “The Last House on the Left”, written, produced, and directed by Wes Craven, and “Pandorum” written by Christian Alvart.  The child and Robert should be thrilled with those choices, at least the two in the horror genre since they like to scream silly (at least whilst doing math homework), so Monkey scurried to the check out felt his heart lurch from his heart when he learned that Cockbusters, excuse me, Blockbusters, was charging $5 per movie and threatened a $1 per day per movie late charge.  Yes. late charges are back.  Begrudingly Monkey whipped out his wad of cash, the cash he earns as a mascot for Talbotgraphix, and quietly bent over the counter.

When Monkey left, movies stuffed under his arm, he vowed never to return to that place.  Well, one last time, $1 per day late fees per movie would accumulate hoards of fees, and Monkey couldn’t abide that, but he would NOT turn his back whilst he was there.

So, Monkey found it as no surprise today when examiner.com released a Press Release that told of a Forebearance Agreement between Blockbuster and its senior note holders.  They write that Blockbuster apparently “will preserve $42.4 million in incremental liquidity” and “monitor cost reduction opportunities and operational efficiencies”.  HA! Recapitalize away, Blockbuster, but I must inform you that it won’t do you a darned bit of good.  You are as extinct as a stegasaurus and as relevant.

Well, cheerio, and do view that delightful film “9″. It did inspire a trip to the Joann’s Fabrics so I could buy a bit of burlap. Lovely.